The Packet

Last Friday Matt and I received our IVF packet in the mail.  Dr Henry's nurse called a few days before and casually mentioned to me that she should be sending it.  I assumed it would include our "calendar" and maybe some info on the drugs.  I was wrong.  Reading though the pages felt like I was in high school again studying for a final exam.  Lets hope I pass this test.

Not only does the packet include our estimated IVF schedule, it also contains lab orders for both of us for an infectious disease screening, drug information and consent forms.  And that's just one side of the folder.  The other side gives a step by step reading of IVF in a nutshell; pictures, detailed info on the retrieval and then the transfer and more than 10 pages of how to administer the medication I will be taking.  My head is spinning.

This is a long process.  Mine of course, longer than most.  According to my cycle the retrieval and transfer should have been the 3rd week of July, but because they are so busy making babies at Reproductive Care of Indiana we were not able to be fit into the schedule until the 3rd week of August.  Which is fine, I guess.  I mean, I've waited this long already.  Why not wait another month? All this means is that I will be constantly taking (active only) birth control pills a little longer and that I will (yea!) not have a period next month.  

We don't make the trek to Indianapolis again until July 16th.  On that day we will be meeting with our nurse for our IVF conference.  The patient checklist states to read the packet throughly and to ask a lot of questions.  What the nurse doesn't know is that I am a list maker and a question asker.  She may loathe me in the end.  I am definitely prepared for this journey.

Day 35

Today is my cycle day 35. This may mean nothing to you, but to me it means 3 things.

The first: I finally started; not that I wanted to. I was 2 days late with no symptoms of my period on the horizon. Usually the week before I am a bitch. And that putting it kindly. This time...nothing. In the back of my mind I kept thinking that maybe, just maybe I was pregnant. Three negative pregnant tests proved me wrong.

The Second: Thursday I will start taking birth control again. It may seem like the last thing I should be doing since we have been trying to get pregnant for so long; but it is part of the IVF process.

Lastly: We are one day closer IVF and to a baby or two! Today Dr. Henry's office gave me the estimated dates for the retrieval (August 13-16) and the transfer (August 18-21). It seems like a lifetime away. But after trying for 2 1/2 years a 2 months is a piece of cake.

Please wish us luck, cross your fingers, and say a prayer.

So It's In-Vitro

Today was our first appointment with Dr. Henry after a (too long) 7 month hiatus.  Never mind that he was running about an hour behind.  I would have waited another hour.  I probably would have waited even longer just so we could speak with him for 10 (literally 10) minutes.  Because today was the day.  Today was the day that we officially made the decision to start IVF treatments.  And although I am sad that we couldn't do it on our own, I am so excited and so ready to get this show on the road.  But for now we wait.  Ugh.

We wait for approximately 19 days for my cycle to start again. Then birth control (yes, birth control) for 3 weeks or so.  And... that's all I know so far.  This is the downside of not seeing the doctor at his main office in Indianapolis.  We are just left hanging until one of his nurses contacts me with the next steps.  I hate the unknown.  I want to know everything right then and there...first were gonna do this, then this, then on this day this is what will happen.  I need specifics people!  But that's not how it works.  So, we wait.  Very impatiently, we wait.  

Maybe I will hear from them tomorrow.  Until then...I will be so very anxiously...waiting.

Here We Go Again

So, it's been about 7 months since we put a halt on the whole infertility treatment thing.  It's wasn't working, I had no insurance coverage for it, and it was stressing us (mainly me) out to where I was crying every single day.  Today I am happy to say that we are starting the process again.  If there is one good thing about living in Illinois it is the Illinois Infertility Mandate.  You can read about it here.  Basically, it says that it Illinois insurance companies are required to provide coverage for infertility.  Lucky for me and thanks to Matt's employer I am now covered under such plan.

We have a consult on the 22nd with Dr. Henry to go over our options again.  Last time we talked the doctor decided that in-vitro would be our best option.  See my Decisions blog.  I expect he will say the same this time as well.  The only question that remains for me is...when do we start?  I think the only question Matt still has is...how much upfront?  I can answer that.  Using my insurance knowledge for good, not evil (working in the medical field had finally paid off)...I estimate that we will have to pay...at the most...$3000.  And that includes medication.  We can handle that.

I'm excited.  Things are looking up for us again.

*UPDATE:  I failed to mention something in this post.  I did finally have the nerve to call about the in-vitro fee schedule I received from Dr. Henry's office.  I think that was obvious.  Well...I wasn't the one who called.  A co-worker did if for me.  And I am so grateful she did.  I always jump to the worst conclusions.  Only the 20% my insurance doesn't cover has to be pre-paid.  Isn't that lovely.

Still No Baby...

We're still here and still without a baby.

The only thing that has changed in the last 6 months is that I am now on my Matt's insurance. It was a blessing, no doubt. At no cost to us I now have execptional infertility coverage. The only cost I am facing is talking Matt into starting this whole journey again.

My plan was to start up again after our much needed vacation in February. The farthest I have got was to call and get pricing information on In-Vitro. It's expensive. And (if I read the info on the paperwork correctly) to be pre-paid regardless of insurance coverage. I don't have the nerve to actually call to find out. I just burst into tears when I read it and asked Matt to call for a better explanation. That has yet to happen. We (meaning he) agreed to try, try, really try for 2 months; and if we didn't succeed we would start the treament again.

One month to go.

Decisions

Today was our consultation with Dr. Henry to decide on a new plan for us. In the end, there was really no definite plan. It just left us with decisions that I frankly don't want to make.

1) Different fertility drugs and IUI again. At about $3500 a cycle and only a 20% chance of pregnancy we quickly made that decision. No.

2) Exploratory surgery. I'm not sure of the cost, but I'm sure it is more than I am willing to pay. And I don't know that my SHITTY insurance would cover it. The doctor suggested that this be a last resort since it would be very invasive and in the end, he may find that I have no issues other than the unexplained infertility. So, that's a no.

3) In-Vitro. You don't even want to know the cost. It's thousands. And again, my SHITTY insurance doesn't cover it. But...Matt's does. We left the appointment today with the decision to see if I could get on Matt's insurance. The reason we have not looked into this before is because 1) I didn't think it would get this far and 2) cost. The monthly rate to add me to his insurance is more than a weeks pay for me. But, it is definitely much, much less than the cost of the in-vitro.

Decisions, decisions. I HATE them. It's difficult enough for me to choose a restaurant to have dinner. But, I alone did make a decision today. We're done with the fertility treatments. This is stressing me out more than you will ever know. I am sad. I am angry. I am disappointed. I am heartbroken.

A while ago I had a 20 year old girl in my office. She saw a picture of my niece Aubrey and asked (like almost everyone else does) if she was my daughter. I said no. Then she said something like this: Well, you look old. Don't you want children? I already have 2 kids. I politely said yes while in reality I wanted to punch her in the face. It's not fair.

Strike 3

Needless to say, I started today. I am not surprised. I have felt it coming for days now.

The next step: Consultation with Dr. Henry next Tuesday in Terre Haute to discuss a new plan of action. I haven't the slightest idea what it will entail. Injectables maybe? Which just screams expensive. But, per the okay from Matt (the breadwinner in the family) we will keep on keeping on until I have a small Fry (haha) growing inside me.

Speaking of Matt...he was very upset about the news. Much more upset than I ever imagined he would be. I, on the other hand am okay. Which is weird. Just last week I cried so hard from hearing that someone was pregnant that I vomited. I'm sure I'll cry all the way home from work. I do that from time to time. And I'll cry while I'm in the privacy of my own home, before Matt gets home from work. And I'll cry when he walks in the door. And when I shower in the morning. By then I will feel better, but still heartbroken.

Strike 3, but we are not out of the game yet.